An unemployed husband, five kids, a Kirby vacuum salesman, and 2 Mormon missionaries!

I have this great inability to say NO! I could go on about that, but just knowing that simple fact is enough for now.
Last Sunday, I came home from church and told Blake we'd be feeding the Missionaries on Saturday, the 31st. I wrote it down when I signed up. Saturday by mid-day, we hadn't heard from the missionaries, so I decided to call them. I know sometimes 19-21 year old boys can be less than responsible, so I would call to remind them and set the time. The poor Elder was so confused by my call, as he said they had no dinner sign-ups for the evening, that I had actually signed up for June 5th. Oops....error on my end....well, ya know, sometimes 31 year old women are less than responsible, but are rather forgetful!
You all know I am a bit of an airhead at times, so I told them we had planned to feed them, and since they didn't have anyone sign-up, why didn't they come on and have dinner at five. They were grateful for the meal, but would need a ride. No problem. We actually got a second set of Elders in the ward, so they split the old pair and each got a new companion. Blake was to pick up 2 of the elders at 430. (This all happens around noon)
About 330, the doorbell rings. Kayleigh gets the door for me, as I am elbow deep in raw ground chuck. (WinnDixie had it on an awesome sale, so I bought like 20 pounds to freeze) I go to the door, and it is a salesman. A pair actually. They are offering a to clean one room of carpet for free. I knew there was a catch, but i also knew I was planning to have the living room carpet cleaned, and it it meant telling a vacuum salesman no.....ok. Plus, there is that HUGE problem I have of saying NO. I tell them the only problem is we are having company over for dinner at 5pm, and they must be done by then. They assure me it takes about 15-25 minutes, they'd be done long before then. FAMOUS LAST WORDS.
A few minutes after 4pm, the doorbell rings again. This time it is the guy with the vacuum. Kirby to be exact. Our guy, Jimmy, comes in and proceeds to put together this Buzz Lighyear Spaceship looking vacuum. Extolling its virtues, and assures me it does everything but cook. (Which by the way, I am doing as he is doing his presentation. I am trying not to be rude, but was very clear with the first two who came to the door, I was not interested in the presentation, just the free shampoo. They said no prob. as they get 25 bucks for each presentation they do, even if we don't buy) So Jimmy does his best to impress us. Showing us just how dirty our house is. The old....when did you last vacuum...um today dude, did you not hear me say we are having dinner guests in like 35 minutes????? So he vacuums....shows me the dirty paper. great....gross...move on. He asks if he can see the nearest bedroom. Um...at your own risk. I have five kids, none of which have the best room keeping skills. So he proceeds to vacuum Kayleigh's mattress. Yep, dust, mattress gunk....Can you shampoo my carpet yet.....
He is doing his spill...are you impressed with what this vacuum is doing? Sure, whatever. What vacuum do you own. Dyson Animal. I am very happy with it. Jimmy the salesman: Even after seeing how much it did not pick up? Yep! Sure am. Paid for is always better. I can live with a little dust.
He finally gets to the shampoo demonstration. FINALLY. I am by now trying to still act somewhat attentive, but am more concerned with the Beef Stroganoff I was cooking. By the way, we are now 40 minutes into the 15-25 minutes presentation. He starts with the....if we can make this affordable for you, would you keep it.
Blake had left right after he got here, he returned....with the missionaries. He takes them into the front room, as Jimmy is in the middle of shampooing the carpet they said would be "done and dry by the time your guests arrive." Phone rings...it is my friend who is having a family crisis, and not one of those things I can say...Can I call you back? So I am in the kitchen, stirring food, Blake is in the front room trying to explain to the missionaries why a man in a suit is shampooing our carpet, and Jimmy (the vacuum salesman) is somewhat shampooing the carpet. At no point in this did Jimmy feel the need to hurry it up. Blake asks me what he can do to help, so I mouth to him...Get rid of the carpet man. He laughs. HE LAUGHS!!!!!
I get off the phone, Jimmy is now done, putting the vacuum back into the boxes. I think by this point he realized he was taking it back with him. But, bless his heart, he tried. He does all sorts of fuzzy math, and even offers me a dollar for my Dyson!!!! Asks what it would take for me to buy his spaceship vacuum.
To which I reply, well, I guess my husband would have to have a job.
Jimmy, pauses and said, your husband doesn't have a job.
Me, smiling, as cheerful as I can manage: Nope, he doesn't have a job.
Jimmy: so where do you work.
Me, still smiling and cheerful: Oh, i don't work. I stay home with the kids.
Jimmy: You have five kids and neither of you have a job?
Me: YEP! (still smiling)
Jimmy (having just realized for certain that he wasted his time and had NO HOPE of selling this vacuum): So, if you could put down, say 42 dollars a day, and pay like 25 dollars a month, would you trade in your dyson and buy the vacuum today.
Me: nope...you'd have to get my husband to say yes, and that will never happen.

I go back to the kitchen and stir dinner, and mouth to Blake....HELP ME.
Finally, he and the missionaries enter the living room. If anything can clear a room, it should be this, right? Sell the vacuum salesman religion! DUDE DOESN'T BUDGE!!

He tries to get Blake to buy. AIN'T HAPPENING! The kids have decided they like Jimmy, the Kirby Dude. And they REALLY like the BuzzLightyear vacuum. Bryce asks if Jimmy is going to eat dinner with us. I laugh and say, No, he's getting ready to leave. I am sure he can't wait to get out of here. To which he replies, he is enjoying it. Ugh....
Before Jimmy leaves, we learn he is one of 2 children. His mom came from a family of 10 (5 boys/5girls). He have been doing this for about a year. Goes to a Baptist church, not southern Baptist, just plain ol' Baptist. He works 7 days a week, about 9-12 hours a day.
He is cordial with the Missionaries, asks them why they are here and what they do. But nothing beyond that.
Finally, Jimmy decides he has truly overstayed his welcome, and bids us farewell. But not without trying once more to sell us this vacuum. Kudos to Jimmy for trying, not getting offended that I listened to about one out of every 5 words he said, graciously weathering the onslaught of 2 eager LDS Missionaries (one of whom was a REAL greenie! TWO days out of the MTC!), and then finding out that the people he just spent an hour and 15 minutes (oops, I mean "15-25") doing a sales presentation for have no job, five kids, and what was that????Oh yeah, NO JOB! He truly was dumbfounded that we would have 5 kids, no job (either of us) and still be smiling.
Maybe, just maybe, the next time he meets the missionaries, he'll remember the crazy sales pitch he had with a family in rural Alabama with 5 kids, no jobs, and a set of LDS missionaries and invite them in for a while!