The New Man of the House

Before the fun started!



Oye.........two posts in one day, but this one is worth it...ok maybe not, but I'm posting anyway.


First, I think this crazy spread of flu is a government conspiracy to boost the economy. You think I'm kidding? Let me show you my wal-mart receipts for the past week. Between the six of us, I have spent over $20 bucks on Mucinex alone. Motrin....another $20. Tylenol...about $6 (to piggy-back with the Motrin for high fevers). Long Lasting Night Time Cough and Cold Medicine(for the older than 6 flu stricken kids)....$8. Vicks Vapor Rub....$4. Soothing Vapors Refills for Sam's room.....$5. Psudephed (from behind the counter, of course.) after getting my security clearance, they sold it to me for a grand total of.......$3.00 DayQuil (the only thing that helped me function) $6. Saline Nasal Spray...$2. Toilet paper to replace the many rolls we used as ghetto kleenex......$7.50. Real bonafide Kleenex with aloe (our noses are so red, guess Cottonelle Ultra isn't as gentle on the nose as on the bum)...$4. Chewable benadryl....$4. I am sure there is more too! but I think you get the picture. On medicine and nose care items alone, I have spend well over hundred bucks this week. Everyone I know has someone in their family experiencing the same joys of winter we are.....so consumer spending is going to be WAY up this month. On pharmaceuticals at least. You could go as far to say that they sold us the flu shot first, telling us it would keep us from getting the flu. Only to find out they had purposefully engineered it to miss the flu strains going around. Now we are spending money on all the OTC fixes. Paying co-pays to go to the dr. to find out exactly what we knew.....we have the flu. LOTS of money to be made from sick people. But, I dont want to get too Mel Gibson, Conspiracy Theory on you. Must be all the cold medicine talking...... for clarification...i am totally kidding here....:)

Speaking of talking. That brings me to my second item of little interest. The phone. Now any of you who know me, know I love the phone. I can put that thing to good use! I've never met a portable phone battery I couldn't outlast. Chatty doesn't quite describe me. My husband HATES to talk on the phone, and I LOVE to! If i get bored...ya know in all my spare time....i pick up the phone and talk while i sit on the cough consuming bon-bons......Oh wait....that must be the cold meds again. So the phone and I are somewhat constant companions. But this week, my poor 500mhz friend has been neglected. Left on the cradle, feeling cold and unloved. It stares at me from across the room, longing to be dialed. But, instead, I lay in bed or on the couch, blowing my nose for what seems like the 3000th time of the day.


The following is what happens when I DO have to use the phone. I may have neglected to mention that one side effect of this lovely flu I have been enjoying. I sound like a man. Really, no question about it. As I have answered the phone this week, I have gotten this...over and over....:


ME: in a deep, manly, raspy voice; "Hello?"


Random poor caller on other end: "um, is ginger there?"





Now, I KNOW what is going through their minds.....WHY is a man answering Ginger's phone? Good thing people don't gossip!





Me: "this is she" said in my nicest man-voice.


Random caller: "Wow, are you sick?"





ok, now where is jeff foxworthy when you need him? (isn't he the one that says....here's your sign?)


Me: Trying to hide my annoyance at having yet again explain that I have not undergone some radical surgery or gotten a job answering an adult phone line, but that I have the flu. "Yep,I'm sick. Got the flu. Lost my voice....."





And the conversations usually go from there. However, I got one last night that is priceless.....





phone rings....


Me:" Hello"


Callers: (in chorus) "Happy Birthday to you....Happy Birthday to you....:


Me: (realizing instantly that it isnt my birthday) "Um, it's not my birthday"





Callers: Happy Birthday dear.....


ME: ITS NOT MY BIRTHDAY





Callers: Sure it is


ME: NO really its not.

Callers: Well then, whose birthday is it?


Me: Blake's, and he doesn't live here anymore!





Callers: Well then who is this????????????


Me: (remember, I have not felt well in 5 days, have been taking care of 5 sick kids. So it took everything in my being not to be smart aleck) It's Ginger, of course.





Callers........LONG silence. "well you sound sick."


DUH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!





Me: Yep, I've got the flu.





I am SO ready to be over this and not sound like a man anymore. Oh, and baby! Happy Birthday! I can't wait till you are here tonight to give you a big, wet kiss! (hope you have had your flu shot!)